Merry Christmas!

Amber at 20 weeks

The First Hospital Visit

Ok, I know, I know, no more shoveling. Pretty sure I've learned my lesson. After shoveling yesterday morning, I could feel the contractions pretty strong. It took me all day long to get them stopped...or rather I slept through them. When I woke up to contractions this morning, I was mighty uncomfortable about the fact that they would not stop. These are not painful, hurting contractions, mind you, just the mild Braxton-Hicks contractions. However, they are every 3-5 minutes, so that's scary. And doubled with the fact that this is all I felt even throughout all of labor, it was a little concerning. After lunch, Dan ran with Josh to Blockbuster to return a movie. The contractions got stronger and closer together, so I called him and told him to just pull in the driveway so we could get checked at the hospital. I spent about 2 hours being monitored in Labor and Delivery and had a brief ultrasound to check on babies. Basically, with my history there is no way to tell if what I'm feeling is Braxton-Hicks or real contractions. At this point, I just have to monitor and lay low. We are all hoping the contractions are due to the shoveling. I was able to be released with no drugs or medications and no bedrest. But, if I go back again, I know they'll make me stay down.

The lesson? No shoveling. Got it.

Babies First Art Gallery

A friend, whose daughters I taught in Endicott, had an art gallery exhibit wine and cheese event tonight. I told Dan, and since he's never one to turn down wine and cheese, we got a babysitter and headed out for the night. Thomas happily waved good-bye and grabbed Ba (Aunt Kim) to play Hungry Hippos (a game they are only allowed to play with babysitters). Joshua had a complete meltdown and for the first time in years, we had to do a pass off and just walk out the door while he screamed his head off. Apparently he was fine 5 seconds after we left. The art gallery was tons of fun! It is about 10 degrees outside with biting winds. I finally got to wear a cute skirt that I borrowed from my friend Kari and a great coat I'm borrowing from my friend Kait. Thanks guys! I was cute...but cold! :) I think the babies liked the art, but we decided maybe it wasn't in our Christmas budget.

Woo-Hoo!!!!!

Hooray! The ultrasound went really well...it appears we are expecting two little girls! They are growing well and right on track. They each weigh 8 oz. My doctor answered all my questions and explained that he thinks I can make it further than 36 weeks this time. So far, so good!

The boys got to come in for the ultrasound. Not sure how much the ultrasound tech enjoyed this. They were very concerned for me, thinking it must hurt, but did alright for a little while. After a while "Ba" (Aunt Kim) took them out and eventually they went to the cafe to get a treat and wait. They are still concerned about the appointment, but more worried that I got a poke.

Joshua now has one baby sister in his tummy...her name is Bumblebee. :)

18 Weeks...Halfway Point!

Today I am officially 18 weeks. Nope, no pictures. Did I spend my day playing with the boys? No. Did I spend my day out and about? No. We are all sick. I spent my morning at the doctor's office. I called my mom last night and told her my eardrum was going to explode. She came over first thing this morning and I ran to the doctor's and got a prescription for my ear infection. Awesome. The nice thing was that mom cleaned my kitchen while I was gone. Thanks mom! The boys were tired, sick, and cranky all day, so we lounged around watching movies and playing on the floor.

I am excited to be halfway (I'd be thrilled to make it past 36 weeks, but right now that's my goal). 36 weeks is April 15th, for those counting. :) I'll get some pictures up this weekend as Dan and I have a date night (as long as we rope a babysitter) planned. It's a dressy event, so we'll try and get some pictures then.

The boys and Dan are noticing daily belly growth at this point. Thomas remarked yesterday, "Look daddy, even mommy's belly button is really big!" And Dan opened a drawer only to realize he couldn't because my belly was in the way...not that I was real close or anything! I feel them move sporadically, especially when lying down or when holding one of the boys. Some days it seems they are real active, and days like today, they are real quiet. I hate the quiet days.

Look for an update Friday! It's ultrasound day! We get to find out what we're having!

16 Weeks & Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving. My last Thanksgiving pregnant...ever. I believe it's also our last year hosting Thanksgiving for quite some time as next year it might be a challenge just to leave the house! :)

Here is a picture of me today. 16 weeks, 1 day.

**Tonight, I was laying in my bed cuddling with the boys and watching a movie. Thomas looks at me suddenly and says, "Hey, that not very nice!" I was totally taken aback and asked him what was wrong. He said, "That baby push me, and that not nice!" As soon as I laid down and sat still after running around all day I could feel mass movement. And Dan felt a kick, once, and it was really random timing. This took me totally by surprise, but made me laugh. I didn't explain much to Thomas, except apologized for little baby and gave him some extra cuddles.

The Babies First Concert

Dan is sad to say that the new babies heard their first concert this weekend. He's sad because it was New Kids on the Block. :) The drive to Seattle was totally exhausting (that is definitely the last I will travel until these kiddos are born). The concert was great. I did have to sit a few times but it was because the babies were kicking me so hard it was giving me a side-ache! I'm not sure if they loved or hated the music, but they never stopped moving the entire time. It's the most movement I've ever felt out of them yet. And...that means my last concert, any bigger and it could've really hurt! :) I'm really glad I got one last outing before moving to 4 kids under 4 years of age. I'm thinking it'll be a while before we travel again! :)

We're Having.....

yeah, we don't know. They couldn't see anything today to determine. She wasn't even willing to guess since it's so early. Both babies look great though. They've caught up in gestational size and are even starting to run a little big, which makes me feel better. Baby A's heartbeat was 146 and Baby B's heartbeat was 154. It's definitely hard to get them both in a picture together, but what fun to see them moving and squirming about! We got to see fingers, hearts, stomachs, etc. It was really neat! Baby A is all spread out on bottom and enjoying the luxury of room. Baby B is more curled up on top with less room, but still moving around nonetheless.

I had tons of questions answered today. They will continue to monitor my thyroid and white blood cell count, but he said both look great now. My hair apparently might just continue to fall out at an alarming rate due to the massive hormones regulating my body right now. I will still be "required" to have an epidural. He explained it's not totally required and that they could just use general anesthesia but it runs a higher risk of me going C-Section. Epidural here I come. He said that even if Baby B is breech he will still let me deliver vaginally. A C-Section is one of my biggest fears and he seems to understand this. He said he doesn't mind the second one breech because they come out so much faster (true, since Josh was only 60 seconds behind Thomas). My mom, unfortunately, will not be allowed in the room. I must be in an OR in case of an emergency C-Section, so only Dan is allowed. I'm still going to write a letter and see if I can bypass this in any way, but I know that hospital policy is strictly enforced and there for a reason.

My next ultrasound is December 12th. At that point we'll get an anatomy check and see what we're having! We can't wait!!!!!

Why Do I Still Drive?

If you were around for my last pregnancy, you know that driving was my downfall. At 19 weeks I got rear-ended. I was sent to the hospital, and released with minor contractions. At 29 weeks I hit a buck on my 65 mile commute to work. I managed to finish the drive to work, get a sub, and head to the hospital (65 miles back). I was then hospitalized overnight to stop the contractions and then sent home. I then just quit driving.

Last night, Dan and I were heading to a turkey dinner at a church with his family. It was dark. At a 4-way intersection near our house, we met another car. And by met I mean, came nose to nose. I definitely had the right-of-way, and while I slowed down, he was going really fast. We came only inches from hitting. Dan still can't believe the guy didn't slam into me. He would've hit Thomas' side at at least 40 mph. My heart rate was so high and my adrenaline was really rushing. We continued on our way, but the smell of burnt rubber never really went away. Only a mile further down the road, I was forced to slam on my breaks again as a lady in extremely dark clothing was crossing the street on an unlit section of the road, unattentive to the approaching traffic. Dan started yelling wondering why I was slamming on my breaks again, until I showed him the lady in front of my car.

I'm nearly done driving at this point of my pregnancy already. If this is already happening, I might as well stay home.

**Updates this afternoon about my ultrasound.

More Bloodwork and Results

I'm sure my doctor's office is tired of me calling, but I call nearly every day to check on my bloodwork. Finally, I am all caught up on results. :)

My white blood cell count was still high but it's declining. I'm sure it's the bug we're all fighting. It's not off the charts, so they're not worried about it. I will, however, have them check it again later just to make sure nothing else is going on.

My thyroid count came back off, so they resent the blood back for a full panel of bloodwork. Nothing like freaking a girl out. I spent the night on the computer looking up thyroid issues and pregnancy, never smart, and I surely paid for it with worry. This morning they called to say that everything else is fine, so it was just momentary. I will, however, have them check it again later just to make sure nothing else is going on. Sound familiar?

So far, everything else seems to be going fine. I'm still nauseous right when I wake up and anytime after 7 PM. I'm exhausted, but not always to the point of making a nap necessary, but I think this is just how it will be. Growing two babies with two toddlers is just tiring. I'm fully into my maternity clothes and the pooch just keeps on growing. Today I'm 14 weeks. I have an ultrasound on Friday. I'm kind of nervous just because I haven't seen them since I got released to the OB and they weren't sure they found both heartbeats. I'll be relieved to see and hear them both again.

Bloodwork and More Bloodwork

A couple weeks ago, Joshua came down with a fever for two days. He then got a rash. After a couple days, I called the doctor and took him in to confirm it wasn't Fifths Diseas (which you can't be around if you're pregnant). The doctor confirmed it was just a virus and proclaimed him not contagious. We decided that he and Thomas must have had the same thing (both had fevers at the same time) and that Josh just responded through a fever. Well, a week later, Thomas came down with a fever AGAIN and got the rash. ARG! His was worse, so I called again and we again went in (on Halloween). This time, the nurse said that it WAS Fifths Disease (but recanted when I pressed her for information). I called my OBGYN and they scheduled me for a bloodtest to see if I had the virus or if I was immune. If you've had it once, you are immune after that. Today my bloodwork came back, and I'm immune. We are guessing the boys just had a virus.

As I'm talking with my nurse I explained to her that I am losing an extraordinary amount of hair. Not little bits and pieces, but I can pull it out in chunks. I had my hairdresser (also my SIL Angie) check it and she was also concerned and told me to get it checked. Now I get to go in for another blood draw tomorrow to get my thyroid checked. AND my initial bloodwork done at the office came back with elevated white blood cell count. I'm hoping this is all due to that previously mentioned virus, but now I have to get it all redone...tomorrow. YUCK! I thought it was suppose to be easier the second time around?

12 Weeks

Well tomorrow I will be 12 weeks. Welcome to the 2nd trimester! The nausea and exhaustion seems to be fading to the background, but not quickly enough. Certain smells and certain times of the day are still really hard and I find myself needing to snack to keep everything down. I am officially out of my regular clothes and into maternity clothes. My final pair of jeans became too small today (extremely sad about that) and I've moved fully into maternity wear. I had forgotten how great maternity pants are though. No zipper and no buttons...using the restroom just got a ton faster! Except for the fact that I know go about twice an hour. Not that I'm complaining, I know it will get a lot worse. I currently drink about 6 bottles of water a day. I remember that getting to about 10 with the boys, it seems I'm always thirsty.

This time around I'm measuring how much I grow every week. It's fairly interesting. So far, I am growing about 1/2 inch around every week. No numbers to be disclosed, but it's fairly sad that Dan's pants are already too small for me! :) More updates to come!

First Regular OB Appointment

I have not yet met my OB, but met the nurse instead. It was a typical visit. A blood draw, urine sample, and lots of questions about medical history. She did search for the heartbeats, and either found both of them or only one (hard to tell at this point). She found one at 166 and one at 164. They are too close to tell if it was both heartbeats or if she just found one. I am still growing and measuring for twins, so there is no concern at this point. The same thing happened with the boys and because they had a hard time finding one of the babies with even the internal ultrasound at my specialist, I kind of expected it. The babies were super active and you could hear the swish of them moving as soon as she found them with the doppler. She was chasing them all over my stomach which was kind of funny. Thankfully this is my second time around so the idea of not finding a heartbeat wasn't as scary. Last time I was petrified at this point. I have an ultrasound scheduled for November 14th. It seems a long ways away, but with Halloween, we are super busy, so I know it will come fast. I'm excited to see how they've grown!!!!!

My First Positive Appointment

Hooray! Dr. Robins was back so he did my ultrasound this morning. I am currently 9 weeks and 2 days. The babies are still measuring a little small, but Dr. Robins said he didn't think they were small at all and he said they were so active that he wasn't worried there would be any problems. Here are the stats:

Baby A: Measured- 8 weeks, 5 days; heart rate: 188
Baby B: Measured- 8 weeks, 5 days; heart rate: 171

Baby B was waving and moving all around. You could see both arms and legs, and that little sucker was active! Baby A had the hiccups! The whole body would jolt every hiccup! It was really fun to see this early!

A New Thought

To me, this is fun...I might just be a nerd.

I was just typing something about the babies and wrote Baby A and Baby B. And then I wondered, "Should I be writing Baby C and Baby D?" Technically Thomas and Joshua and these two inside me are quadruplets. They were all conceived on the same day. The doctors think this is a really fun fact (and actually so do we)! Thomas was Baby A and Joshua was Baby B. I'm sure we'll stick with A and B because A is always closest to the bottom and B is always on top (even if they switch positions, they just switch names too). I just thought it was a fun fact. Apparently I'm easily amused right now.

Another short update is that I'm in my last pair of regular pants. I have one pair of jeans that I bought a size up and then I'm in maternity clothes. My eating habits are far weirder than with the boys. I'm starving, but nothing sounds good and it all makes me want to vomit. I'm horrible at puking, so I've held it down so far, but it's ugly. I'm making cupcakes right now. I'm sure by the time they are done, I'll want to throw them away, but I thought I'd at least attempt!

Ultrasound and Blood Draw

Here's the weekly update. The babies are looking good...I think. I'm still waiting for word from my doctor to confirm a few things, but I know a lot of you are waiting for this update, so I'll edit this when I hear from my doctor.

Baby A--- Heartbeat 152 bpm, size 7 weeks, 2 days
Baby B--- Heartbeat 171 bpm, size 7 weeks, 4 days

The ultrasound picture wasn't as clear today, so I'm not going to add it, although I did get one. The babies are starting to look less like bean poles and more like aliens/little babies. :) I'll keep you posted after I hear from my doctor. I want to ask if I'm 8 weeks and the babies are really small (in which case there is more cause for worry), or if I'm 7 weeks and in that case everything looks awesome.

2 Babies

Could It Get Any Weirder?

The pregnancy with the boys was just so normal. This is so unreal to me!

The ultrasound at 5 weeks revealed the one sac implanted in the uterus. This was great news! The ultrasound at 6 weeks revealed 2 sacs, only one with a heartbeat. The ultrasound this week (7 weeks) revealed 2 sacs both with a heartbeat! AMAZING! To those of you that are praying, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You are doing great work.

The heart rates are at 130 (Baby A) and 133 (Baby B). Dr. Robins says this is still slow. They are both a couple days behind on growth. Dr. Robins tells me that it is 2 more weeks of freaking out and then if they are still growing slow (and both still viable) then we'll do more tests to make sure nothing else is wrong. YIKES! My nurse coordinator, Nina, and my favorite nurse, Karen, say that the embryos look really good and that I should be feeling more relieved now. :)

We are telling our families shortly, as in this weekend and today. I'm going to go rest while Dan makes the shirts. Please keep praying. I'm still super scared! Thanks for all your continued support and prayers!

**Blog won't let me post the ultrasound picture from today! I'll try again later!

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-N-G

Wow, I am frustrated! We just got a whole bunch of bills in the mail. My initial fee of $3805 for the In-Vitro covered up until a positive pregnancy test. Since then, I've had about 16 blood draws and once a week ultrasounds. My bill came in the mail today. Because they are not a preferred provider with my military insurance, they are allowed to charge me 115% more than what my insurance accepts. And they do. So, my insurance covers about $3 of every blood draw. My bill for last week, $200. Super. This works out well. And I can't change until 8 weeks when released from Dr. Robins. I may speak with them and see if there's another way around it. ARG!

Ultrasound and Heartbeat

Have I ever told you I'm not patient? I think I am losing my mind!

The appointment this morning was full of surprises and scariness (kind of my typical appointment right now). When he first focused on my uterus I could see two sacs. They are both still there. Unfortunately, only one has a heartbeat. This is still great news. However, he (Dr. Robins) says that it's still about 3 days too slow. I'm still skimming the bottom line on whether or not the pregnancy is viable. He said he wouldn't be surprised if there was no heartbeat next week. That is scary!

Who knows what we'll do now. I'm thinking we'll just tell our families, but not in a big announcement type way like planned, but instead a calmer matter-of-fact way. Not sure yet. I do need to find someone to give me an injection on Fri and Sat since Dan will be out of town. ARG!

Big Appointment

Tomorrow is my big appointment. I'm extremely nervous. It feels like this week has been the best week so far, but that makes me even more nervous!

We realized tonight that I think I'm allergic to the band-aids that we put on after injections. The injection site gets really itchy and swollen and is just miserable. I realized today that it feels a lot better once I pull the band-aid off. You'd think I'd make that connection sooner. We are trying a new band-aid tonight and so far, it appears to be much better. Gotta love those lightbulb moments!

Positive from Amber

First off, I know I've been negative Nellie, but my body has just not felt right. However, two nights ago my boobs started hurting. And I mean hurting! This makes me want to shout with joy. And today, I was making bread and I started feeling a little nauseous and gagging. This also made me really excited! HOORAY! My body is finally starting to feel pregnant. That, to me, feels like a good sign. Now if only I could start puking regularly!

The last two nights, Dan has given me the nightly progesterone shot. On Thursday, we were at home. I got up from the shot and Dan looked at me, "Oh crap, you're bleeding!" It was all the way down into the waist-line of my shorts, so those were nice and bloody! OOPS! This is what happens when you do injections in the same area for an extended amount of time...you begin to run out of spots and start hitting bruises, and the bleeding after injections becomes more common. Last night, we were at a friends house for dinner and cards, and when Dan went to warm up the meds at 8:30, he realized he'd forgotten them at home. ARG! We had to pack up quickly and get home. Last night's injection was not only not warmed (so it HURT), but it also bled. ARG!

On a yucky note, my backside is so swollen and tender, I can't wear pants anymore. I wear some shorts that are lose, but those aren't real good for the public. :) I have 2 dresses, that a friend gave me, and those have been my lifeline. If totally necessary, I wear something uncomfortable out, and as soon as I step through the door, I get into pajamas (no matter the time of day). :) I can't wait to either know that this is a viable pregnancy and just wear maternity pants that wont' hurt my backside, or know it's not viable and get back in shape so I can wear my normal clothes from pre-IVF. :)

Waiting A Week

I'm pretty sure we've decided to wait until after next week's appointment to tell our families. When we tell our families, I want to be able to be fully invested and excited. At this point, I'm being told that there is still a good chance that the pregnancy is not viable, so I need to remain guarded.

Dan confided in me yesterday that he's pretty worried about me. We had a long talk and he felt better. I explained to him that this is my way of coping. I cannot get too excited about this. If that happens, and it's negative, I will fall deep into depression, and want to do another series immediately. That is not possible with Dan getting laid off and our current situation. As of this point, I am guardedly excited. If this doesn't work, I will be ok. I will obviously need to go through some sort of grieving, but I know that we have other things to focus on in our lives. And we can go through it again and do it at another time when the timing is better. If it's a positive appointment next week, I'll be fully in and there will be no stopping the emotions then! After this conversation, Dan felt better and kind of knew more of where I am coming from.

I don't think anyone can truly understand how difficult this is, unless you've been there. You can feel your body, you know exactly what is going on. This is difficult for either someone who has never gone through this, or the spouse going through it but not able to feel it.

Doctor Call

My nurse called to remind me to take my meds the same as I've been doing. I took the opportunity to ask a question. I let her know that we hadn't told our families and was wondering if we could do so now. She answered that next week might be better and that it's better to remain guarded about this pregnancy thus far. Makes me nervous still! We're definitely not telling my family yet, and we'll decide about telling Dan's family shortly. Apparently nothing in our lives can go as planned, not even sure why I attempt planning anymore! :)

Ultrasound

Well, by the grace of God, the little peanut is in there! She (and I say she because with this much hassle it must be a girl) is looking good, for the most part. The egg sac and yolk are all in good shape. It's a little small still, so there are still some concerns. I go back next Friday and I think they should be able to see the heartbeat, and they'll check my levels again to make sure it's growing in numbers properly. I just about broke down with Dr. Robins when leaving the exam room. He put his hand on my shoulder and reassured me that sometimes this is just the way with frozen embryos. Sometimes they are a little funky. He did say that sometimes they do just fine and sometimes they are just not quite right and won't make it, so it's still a wait and see. ARG! I hate waiting! For now, I'll just rest up and hope it helps. Not sure if we'll tell family now or wait until next week.

The Roller Coaster Ride of a Lifetime

Seriously. I've never been this emotional in my whole life. My appointment this morning was so long and drawn out. Usually I get there at 6:30 AM to get my blood drawn and am out by 6:40 AM. Today, they didn't even start drawing blood until 7:20 AM. So I sat there forever in misery thinking about the outcome of this blood draw.

My favorite nurse Karen just called. My numbers are so close to doubling, but just not quite enough. This means that the journey continues for at least one more day. They said the frozen embryos sometimes are weird about getting started and doubling right away. ARG! I go in tomorrow to make sure that the embryo is implanted in the uterus. This has been a worry of mine. I guess I'll have another update tomorrow now!

Bloodwork Results

My bloodwork came back unfavorable today. My numbers increased but did not double. This is scary and bad. I go back in 4 days to see what the issue is. The nurse gave me two possibilities: 1) I was carrying twins and lost one, so that's why the number is down, or 2) it's not a viable pregnancy. Obviously we are hoping for option #1, but have to wait 4 days to see anything. This is rough.

Spotting Update

Ok, the spotting has ceased. I was even pretty active today and it seems to have stopped, so I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'll still have my blood drawn tomorrow morning just to make sure, but I'm happy it stopped. I know that many many women spot during their pregnancies. I'm not sure how all those women do it! I do feel like my stakes are a little bit higher because if this doesn't work, I'm just out $4,000 for this try and out another 4K for the next try. The majority of women just get to try the next month for free! :) That being said, it's still scary and unnerving! I think I'm just a worry-wart when I'm pregnant. I thought this time would be different, but in many respects it's not. I will say that I have been taking warm showers. When pregnant with the boys I took cool showers, not even warm, and it was miserable. But I am so anal about keeping my body temperature consistent. I'm happy that I'm able to move to warm showers this time! :)

Today Dan had his Guard Squadron Picnic. It's always a lot of fun and I love his friends and their wives too. We always have a good time talking and visiting! I really got to know the majority of them right before I got pregnant with the boys, so I've been able to watch their kids grow too. It was really weird to have them all saying congratulations and how do I feel. We really REALLY need to tell our families. It just doesn't feel real. I think I'm still a little in awe that it's actually true and I'm scared to be too excited.

Dan is freaking out that I still want it to be twins. I realized that a large portion of this thought is that I'm already always starving. Always. I have eaten more meat in the last 2 days than in the last 3 months (emergency stops to McD's for a Big Mac...unusual, and a stop at Burger King for 2 Whoppers....very unusual since I usually HATE BK). I think if it's twins, it would make me feel a little bit better about my crazy eating habits. :) Plus, I would have an excuse to move into maternity clothes sooner because even my size up clothes loaned to me from friends are getting tight (and the injection sites are extremely sore and swollen, so I can't really wear pants or shorts too easily without really being uncomfortable).

I'll update with my bloodwork results tomorrow. Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers, and kind words. You guys are a great support network!

Spotting and Blood Draw

I started spotting last night and continued it this morning. I had a scheduled blood draw, so I just awaited the bad news. Normally I get the call between 7:30-9:00 AM with my results. When the results didn't come I was sure that they were negative and my nurse was trying to figure out how to tell me. Finally I called and talked with her. My results were fine. My numbers doubled and everything is looking good. So, apparently for now I'm spotting. But, it could turn into something more and I could still lose them.

I will tell you that I've been an emotional wreck since last night and that has not stopped yet. Hormones? Yes. Freaked out? Yes. I never spotted when I was pregnant with the boys so this is totally freaking me out.

Negative Nellie

I didn't realize how positive I was that the results would be negative that I had convinced myself completely. Last night at dinner, I realized that it was 7:06 PM and my alarm reminding me to take my pills hadn't turned off. Looking at my phone, I remembered that just before my blood draw I was completely down and had turned off all alarms, so sure I'd not need them anymore. SAD!

I still have a lot of apprehension and just want to get to that first ultrasound next Friday to find out how many and where they are implanted. It's one of my favorite ultrasounds! :) I'll post an update with the results of my blood draw tomorrow! Wish me luck!

The Results Are In

When my nurse called I could've told you with 80% confidence that the test would be negative.

She totally threw me for a loop when she told me it was....POSITIVE!!!!! WOW! I'm extremely shocked at this point. I go in on Friday to see if the HcG numbers have doubled (she said my number is 74 so she's confident that I'll get good results on Friday).

I'm heading in today to have her check my injection sites as they are bothersome right now. My backside is all lumpy and sensitive and itchy because the injection sites are so irritated.

We are well on our way to success, but we have about 6 weeks of scariness before we can loosen up a bit. I'm still a little worried that my body is fighting it. Please continue your prayers....you are doing wonders!!! Thanks for all your support, it's been really helpful!

Bruising

I can tell my muscles are bruised now. Dan rubs the injection site after giving the shot to help the medicine get absorbed into the muscle. The medicine is Progesterone in Sesame Oil so it's really thick. Tonight when he was giving me my injection he noted the bruises on my backside from previous injections and when he massaged me, it hurt, so my deep muscles are getting bruised now too. :(

Overall, emotionally I'm coping. It's really day by day. I'm pretty darn hormonal and can feel my body attempting this, but not sure if it can make it stick and keep anything viable. I'm hopeful but cautiously so. I'm trying to prepare myself for a negative response, but this is nearly impossible to do.

Blood Draw (Progesterone Check)

I had my Progesterone check up on Saturday morning. This means absolutely nothing to me. It just means that my levels of what I'm injecting are all going ok. My results came back fine.

It was quite the treat to wake up after scrapbooking with the gals until nearly midnight and go to a blood draw at 6:30 AM. Even better is that the boys woke up early too and since I'd missed bedtime, they didn't want me to leave again. So I took them both with me. This is a double-edged sword in my mind. I hate bringing them with me because it's mean for the mom's who are in the office trying, but haven't conceived yet, and here I am going through it again. I love bringing them with me because then those same moms see success at it's best and can have a little more hope. Overall, it was just fine. I had an excuse to go to Sonic and get some ice and some french toast sticks.

At this point I try not to let myself feel anything. You CAN make yourself feel pregnant, that's for sure. This morning I was really depressed because I felt like my body was trying to reject the embryos. Then, after some prayerful moments, I felt better. I also desired to have a Subway 3 meat sandwich at 9:30 AM...this is very odd for me. I can tell my body is trying, but have no idea if it's making this happen or just fighting it. 4 days and we'll have the answer. I cannot tell you how nervous and scared I am.

An Injection Gone Wrong...

So we had the best of intentions...really. I was heading to Scrap Night (a scrapbooking store hosts a scrapbook session where you can gab with friends and scrapbook from 6 PM till midnight). My intentions were to just have my friend Jenn do my injection at the regular 9:00 PM. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. The vial containing Progesterone was nearly out and we were unable to get the amount needed (we= Jenn and Linda...I, of course, do not look at this needle). Jenn drove quickly to my house where Dan administered the injection (only 15 minutes late) and we returned to scrapbooking.

Jenn took some pics, so I'll put them up here when she sends them to me.

So far, feeling alright. I'm sore. Moody. Crabby. Emotional. Tired. :) But, I'm making it and that's all that matters right now. :)

Implant Info

The implant went fine. They implanted both embryos. Dr. Robins said it's a 50% chance of implanting resulting in pregnancy and a little less of a chance of a live birth. This has totally thrown me. I would have asked them to put in three had I known that it was such a low chance of success. Apparently I wasn't clear enough in my expectations.

So now we wait. I think you can probably guess that I'm extremely scared. This was rough and I'm not sure if I can do it again. I'm not feeling optimistic about my chances, so I'm trying to be realistic instead.

The boys now know that they put "eggs" in my tummy. This is the best we could do as they would really like to have a jumping match on me while I'm lying in bed. Now, we are keeping them from family for a couple days until their comments wear off. I think once I get up more and am not so bed-ridden, they will relax about it.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. That's what we need at this point. We do a pregnancy test on September 3rd. The time that IVF didn't work, I knew going into that blood draw. The time with the boys, I had absolutely no clue. I'll just hope that I remain clueless! :)

Pre-Transfer Update

It's 9:03 AM. My transfer will be at 10:00 AM this morning. We go the call at 8:00 this morning, so we've been scrambling to get things together. The boys are currently being carted over to Kim and Greg's (whom they love) for some fun play while we head down. I just started drinking my 32 oz of water in 15 minutes. No peeing until 25 minutes after the transfer. This ought to be interesting. It was super hard last time, I can only imagine what it will be like now after having 2 kids!

The embryologist thawed out 2 embryos and he said they look great. HOORAY! We are totally excited and freaking out at the same time. I had a bowl of cereal at about 7:30 and it's now threatening to come back up. YIKES! :)

Wish us luck!

Transfer is Tomorrow!

So my appointment this morning went really well. I got there at 6:40 AM figuring I'd be the only patient there, but I was wrong. I was third in line and after I re-seated myself after the blood draw it was standing room only! PHEW! My appointments are super fast, the ultrasound takes less than 2 minutes, so I get to skate out of there pretty fast!

I got the call after church while getting doughnuts in Albertsons that my transfer is indeed tomorrow. I still do not have a time, which is frustrating, but they'll call me in the morning and tell me to start drinking my water and come in. Good thing we have good friends who'll watch the boys at a moments notice! As far as I know, they'll put in 2-3 embryos. They asked my preference (while standing in Albertsons) and I wasn't sure how to respond. I told them that it depended on embryo quality but I wanted the best chance for success no matter how many had to go in. Scary thought!!!! :)

I will not be updating this for the next couple days...SORRY! I will be flat on my back. I think they say only to do it one day but the overachiever in me is staying down for two days to ensure success. Dan will be home from work. Because I'll be bored out of my mind with no computer access and stuck in bed with no cable tv, I'll probably write something out for Dan to get on here and type.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anticipation is building...

It seems so exciting and scary that we are only a couple days away! I think I must be way more relaxed than last time totally due to having the boys, but my nerves are starting to really work overtime now that the transfer is getting closer!

Tonight is the first night that not telling our families actually interfered. Tonight was game night with Dan's family. We had to make an exit at 8:30 PM (saying the boys needed to go to bed) to get home in time to warm up the injection (and bum) and do the shot in time. Oh well, next time we'll stay and play! :)

Tonight's injection was by far the best. Not a single part of it hurt. I feel like I'm walking a little funny because the last three injections have really put a burn on my backside muscles, but hopefully my body is getting better and more use to them so I'll lose the pain shortly...here's to hoping!

I have an appointment in the morning, hopefully I'll have good information to share!

At the top is a picture of my night time regimen as well as a picture of the needle used...ouch!!

Day #3 of Progesterone Injections

Rough! Tonight's injection took place at our good friends house. Suzy was nice enough to take pictures of the injection for us. It takes a few times of photographing injections to get each moment, so you'll see me add more as time goes on.

My mom stopped by unannounced today. I had to hurriedly hide my box of medicine and syringes. Thomas kept trying to lift my shirt to show my mom all my injection marks and bruises from the Sub-Q injections. Nice. I was able to keep my shirt down and tried to translate Thomas' remarks to say that I had spider bites (which I do, but that's not what he was trying to share). :)

Can you believe only 3 more days until the transfer? It kind of feels like coming home...those babies will be coming home to the uterus that will be their home for 40 weeks (let's hope). As you can tell, I'm getting excited. This time becomes the roller coaster of anxiety and worry combined with hope and excitement.

**Camera permanently broken right now, trust me, we'll get another one quickly...today or tomorrow. :)

Either I'm A Wuss Or These Shots Hurt!

I'm not sure which it is. I don't have a high thresh-hold for pain. However, my backside still hurts today, so I'm not sure which way it is! The actual poking of the needle last night went great. It's the medicine going in that hurts. It's medicine based in sesame oil, so it's REALLY thick! Dan heats it in his hands for 5 minutes before drawing it up hoping to make it warmer and a little more fluid. I use the heating pad before and after to loosen up the muscle and let the medicine try and work through a little better. Overall injection...not bad. Feeling today...it hurts! :) I just tell myself, hopefully I GET to continue these shots (only continue if I am pregnant) for 8 more weeks! :)

BTW---Pictures coming. A note for the readers. If you leave your camera outside overnight and it happens to have a random downpour in the middle of summer...your camera will no longer function. This sucks. I will have some friends take pictures tomorrow night, e-mail them to me and then post them.

Let The Ugliness Begin

There IS something to be said about going through this for the 3rd time. I have my favorite nurses and doctors who know me and when we greet it's with hugs and hellos. This is the most comforting feeling ever. Today I had my favorite nurse Karen. I know the people in the waiting room must thing I'm crazy because I smile when they call my name and we all shout and hug and then I'm smiling when I return. Those poor 1st timers have no idea!

My results today were fantastic! My lining of my uterus is up to a 10. This apparently is great news. She (my nurse Nina) said I'm right on schedule! Hooray!!! I am set for transfer of embryos on Monday, which seems to be coming really soon!

Tonight begins the yucky shots. The intramuscular shots are hard. Even the nurses were grimacing when they asked if I had any questions about what came next. I had them draw circles on my back to show where to give injections at. I'll have Dan or Jenn take a picture so you can see my lovely backside.

Here's my new drug regimen:

7 AM- 3 pills (one new one)
7 PM- 3 pills (that I've been doing), plus 2 new pills
9 PM- Dan sticks needle in my backside

The Last Injection I Give Myself...Ever????

Tonight was a milestone. Hopefully it's my last night of injecting myself. You would think that this time around it would be easier and that because of my excess stomach skin I would have plenty of room. Apparently not. My stomach is full of little dots from injection sites and I've pretty much run out of room. I've got a few bruises where I've hit veins, but all-in-all, not bad. I'm glad to be done with this phase though.

Tomorrow I have an ultrasound and blood draw to confirm that I'm on track. My numbers were a little off, so I've been extremely anal about taking my medication at the exact right MOMENT. It's hard! Dan is getting nervous (as am I) about the injections that begin tomorrow. A friend asked, "Is it easier knowing what's coming or harder?" My answer was, "The first injection that I had to give myself was way easier this time. I knew exactly how to do it and knew it wouldn't hurt. The injections coming up (that Dan gives me) will be extremely hard. They hurt. I know they hurt. That part is harder."

I have my heating pad ready for my rear, so hopefully being prepared pays off. These are the fun shots with the fun stories. If you enjoyed any of the last injection stories, prepare yourself! :)

Ultrasound and Blood Draw

Today's appointment was fast and easy. Sometimes I wish they were a little bit slower so I could get more into my People magazine. Instead I'm stuck trying to find the same issue week after week so that I can pick up where I left off! :)

My results came back a little off today. Unfortunately, Dan talked to the nurse instead of me so I'm hearing everything second hand. My FHS (I think) levels are off (I believe a little elevated). This has something to do with my injections. So far, they've instructed me to continue following my calendar (which upped my meds today) and come back on Wednesday for my next appointment. Hopefully all goes well. Next Wednesday is the projected start day for Dan to start giving me injections. I think HE'S getting woozy at the thought of that! :)

My new regimen:

7 AM- 2 pills
2 PM- 2 pills
7 PM- 3 pills, 1 injection

My body is obviously fighting this which makes me nervous. It's something I'll speak to my nurse about if it continues next week. I'm no longer hungry, and when I am it really upsets my stomach. I have mild cramping of my ovaries (sad that I can pinpoint this by now). I am exhausted! I think most of these are really normal, but elevated due to having 2 1/2 year old twins at home. We'll see!!!!

Ultrasound and Blood Draw

Much better blood draw this time. She didn't pierce down to the bone, so it was much more comfortable. :) The ultrasound went well. My favorite nurse, Karen, was there as was Doctor Robins. They are my dream team, seriously know all the right words at the right time. The ultrasound showed that everything is progressing normally. I upped my Estrace (I believe it's estrogen), continue my baby aspirin, and continue the injections. So far it's 2 pills in the AM; 3 pills and an injection in the PM. So far so good. In 2 weeks time, hopefully I'll be good and knocked up!

Oh yeah, my pills and injections are putting me a little on the cranky side this week. Sorry to anyone who took the brunt of my aggression. Some days I'm a little sensitive! It doesn't really bother me, but it really comes flying out!

First Ultrasound/Blood Draw

August 8th was my first ultrasound/blood draw of the series. Have I told you yet that I hate needles? And, they never change the artwork there, so I'm stuck staring at the same point on the wall, week after week. Note to those phlebotomists, reading this...change the artwork on your walls!!!

The ultrasound was the same as I remember it. Did you know that when you are getting something done "down there" and you need to take off everything waist down, you can keep your socks on? This is a trick I learned during my first series. It gives me a little sense of power when they say to take it all off and I ask if I can keep my socks on. In fact, I take a special pair with me every time.

Everything looks good. One of my ovaries has a follicle in it that is good sized. Darn it! Why can't I produce those when I'm suppose to? Now they're trying to suppress my ovaries, and I've got good stuff in there! ARG! She (the substitute for Dr. Robins) said it shouldn't be an issue. I'm sure they'll check it again tomorrow.

So far, everything looks good. They added Estrace tablets (one at 7 AM, 7PM) and a baby aspirin (at 7 PM) to my injection at 7 PM. Nothing like trying to remember exactly what is suppose to go in at what time!!!

I've done well keeping quiet around the family. Boy is it hard! I think Dan is having a harder time than I am. I keep thinking about that moment when we announce and the great look on their faces. I can't wait!!!

Please, keep us in your prayers! We are nervous, excited, anxious, and just plain scared!

And So It Continues...

The injections continue. I forgot how hard this is! My hormones are totally screwed right now. I'm an emotional mess. Don't freak out if I start crying on you in the middle of a conversation. I think the first days of injections I was excited and anxious. That feeling has since passed and the injections are starting to sting. I think it's partly because the medicine I inject in is cold, and my stomach is starting to get sensitive from repeated poking. My hair started falling out yesterday. It won't all fall out (at least it didn't last time), but I get clumps from here and there. It's interesting when it grows back because it grows back different. I have a wave in the middle of my hair that hopefully I'll lose again. I use to be totally blond with straight hair. Maybe I'll get that back this time!!! Probably not...it'll probably come back gray knowing my luck! Also, none of my pants fit anymore. I have one skirt left that I can wear. Luckily, my friend Jenn is loaning me some clothes for the duration, then hopefully I can just go into maternity wear. My stomach is totally bloated from all the drugs. I can see why my brain made me forget this in order to make it possible to go back and do it again.

Now, I don't mean to come off totally pessimistic. This is just one rough day, I know there will be more. And really, some days are totally fine. Just don't expect me to break out in a jig!

Three Nights In A Row...Tonight...Costco

So we needed to do our once monthly shopping trip to Costco. And it had to be tonight. We are out of wipes and eggs...two things imperative to our survival. :) So we packed up the boys, the diaper bag, and the cooler with the drugs. We managed to shop Costco (with a months worth of stuff) in 25 minutes. We had hot dogs, pops, and Churros in hand and I was ready for my injection. It went smoothly (although tonight stung, must've put the needle in a little wrong), and I was eating my dinner with the family in no time. Moments later my sister-in-law (Kim) calls me. "Are you in Costco?" Oh crap, didn't think about people we know being there! YIKES! Luckily, she had just parked next to us, so we quickly put away the drug cooler and resumed dinner. PHEW! This secret business is hard, but I am SOOOOOOOO looking forward to surprising our families. I cannot tell you all the ideas I have. I'm so excited!!!!! Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh yeah, I had a caffeine-loaded Diet Coke tonight for dinner. I've been having headaches and extreme tiredness. I realized that since I started the drugs I cut out my caffeine. I thought this might fix it. Darn, I was wrong. I still have the headache, and I'll be heading to bed at the same time as the boys. Dan says I'm really exciting right now. :(

Riverfront Park sees an injection

So we decided to take a picnic dinner down to Riverfront Park and enjoy the rides and the beautiful landscape. The boys loved the mini-golf, carousel, bumper boats, and the big water fountain. In the middle of it all, it was time for my injection. I had packed it in my little cooler with ice packs and it was COLD! Brrrr! Right as I swabbed my stomach I noticed that I had a great vein. Didn't think about it until I pulled the syringe out. Forgot about that. When you hit a vein, you get a bleeder. Oops! Blood oozed out. I quickly grabbed my alcohol swab and put pressure on for a minute. Now it's just a lovely bruise. I tried to get Dan to take a picture of it and will try to post it shortly. As of now, the boys went to bed at 9:00 PM, and I drug myself out of bed to post this. Now I'm back to bed...and exhausted!

Injecting at Church

Tonight was our biweekly church class that Dan and I attend. Unfortunately it begins promptly at the time I need to be taking my shot. Since I'm completely anal-retentive about timing, I took my shot stuff with me. I exited the room at 6:58, filled my syringe and had a little melt-down. Have I done all injections wrong? No....just the hormones talking. Dan joined me on the stairwell, gave a little moral support and at 7:00 PM I was injecting myself once again.

The injections are going well. I have little poke marks from where the needle has entered each spot. I rotated sides of the abdomen each night just to give one side a rest. Tonight was my last night of birth control...hooray! Now it's a week of solid injections and then a change in regimen along with my first ultrasound/blood draw. So far, everything is fine. I'm exhausted, but hopefully that will remain the case for the next 10 months, plus a few years! :)

Let the Injections Begin!

Well, here we go! Night #1 of injections. Dan "had" to go to a Shock game, so I called my friend Helen over to document the momentous occasion. Thanks Helen! Have I ever said how much I hate needles? You'd think it would be easier for me given the amount I gave myself just to have the boys, but every first time is the worst. The anxiousness and excitement are pretty overwhelming. The shot itself only takes about 20 seconds from beginning to end, but it's a long time when stabbing yourself with a sharp object. All in all it went well.

This is the time when I start to become a little anal. No more caffeine. I drink tons of water to keep hydrated. I stay more rested and eat better (not too tough for me). Tomorrow night...another shot. Here goes the next chapter in our lives!

The Drugs Have Arrived

The box of drugs came this morning. Talk about an elated/mortified feeling! Just seeing all the syringes makes me nervous. The idea that the series is about to start up makes me really nervous! I've already moved into the anxious patient role and called my nurse coordinator yesterday to confirm some bodily issues. Nice.

I will go down to the clinic this afternoon to pay my $3805 for the series. WOW! We got the loan yesterday (4 more years of baby payments!) and are ready to go!

Less than 2 weeks till first injection! SCARY!

Consent Form For Uterine Transfer of Cryopreserved Embryos

Nothing like a letter to scare the living daylights out of you! I shall be calling my nurse coordinator to confirm some of the finer points of this letter:

We understand that this consent gives the embryology team permission to thaw embryos that we currently have in storage. We understand that not all of the embryos survive the cryopreservation and thawing process. As such, we understand that in certain cases the embryologist may thaw more embryos than desired to obtain the number of viable embryos for unterine replacement transfer.

We understand that it is the general policy of this program to transfer no more than 6 embryos for IVF in order to minimize the risk of multiple gestation while maximizing the per cycle success rates of the procedure. (Whoa, back up. You mean we COULD BE John & Kate + 8???....Uh oh). We understand that any excess cryopreserved embryos maintained in storage for us will continue to be our responsibility and will be managed as directed in our original cryopreservation consent. (Yes, we will pay our $100/month storage fee for leftover embryos).

We understand that to date, in the small number of children born, there have been no observed detrimental effects arising from cryopreservation procedure. Therefore, no guarantees are offered regarding the normalcy of any pregnancy that develops following the transfer of cryopreserved embryo. (Intended question: Exactly how many kiddos out there are a result of being cryopreserved? This statement scares me a little bit. Luckily, I have a friend with a baby that came from a cryopreserved embryo, so I don't worry too much. But at this point, all the disclaimers are freaking me out a bit).

End letter. Luckily we have an appointment in the near future, so I can ask all of my questions and turn in all of my paperwork. I'm gearing up for shots (the medicine arrives next week, injections start the following week). Yikes!

Drugs to Arrive Shortly....Getting Nervous!

So my pharmacy (not your regular Walgreens, but the big ole Fertility Drug Pharmacy) called today with my order for drugs. My doctor placed the order and the pharmacy called to collect payment and discuss shipment details. I gave the pharmacy my insurance info and they rattled through the drugs I would be taking. We had budgeted $200 for drugs. Imagine my surprise when the total came to $47! Hooray! For having an insurance that doesn't support artificial means of conception, it did a great job today! When they told me the delivery date, it made my heart race. Boy, this sucker is really coming up! I'm about to start injecting myself. This is crazy! While I know we are ready, it feels like a really big deal. Should getting pregnant be such a big deal? I called Dan and he totally freaked out. It just makes it so real. I think he's nervous about giving me injections again. Luckily, he's got a little while before it becomes his turn to inject me.

Here's my Mastercard Commercial (spellings may be wrong, it was over the phone):

Doxycycline (tablets)- $3.00
Estradial (tablets)- $3.00
Lupilide (injections)- $3.00
Medrol (tablets)- $3.00
Progesterone (tablets)- $9.00
Progesterone (injections)- $9.00
Needles & Syringes- $12.00
Sharps Container- $5.00
More kids- Priceless

There's No Turning Back Now!

I'm excited. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I'm everything! We're signed up for the August/September In-Vitro series.

Some people decide they want to get pregnant, and just close the door and drop their clothes. We get to go a different route. We pay our $3800 in July and by the $300 worth of drugs here shortly. I DO get to do the naked, closed door thing, but none of that includes my husband being in the room!

I use to be really good at giving myself injections. In fact, by the time I finished injections during my pregnancy with the boys, I'd given myself around 300 injections, and Dan (and his sister Kim) had given me about 60. It's crazy to think about starting all of that again. CRAZY! I'm not a needle person AT ALL. Needles scare the crap out of me, so the idea of injecting myself daily is intimidating.

There are 5 frozen embryos. Injections start July 26th. Until then, the anxiety builds and emotions run high. Check back in July for the injection and ultrasound details!