Friday, September 26, 2008

2 Babies

Could It Get Any Weirder?

The pregnancy with the boys was just so normal. This is so unreal to me!

The ultrasound at 5 weeks revealed the one sac implanted in the uterus. This was great news! The ultrasound at 6 weeks revealed 2 sacs, only one with a heartbeat. The ultrasound this week (7 weeks) revealed 2 sacs both with a heartbeat! AMAZING! To those of you that are praying, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You are doing great work.

The heart rates are at 130 (Baby A) and 133 (Baby B). Dr. Robins says this is still slow. They are both a couple days behind on growth. Dr. Robins tells me that it is 2 more weeks of freaking out and then if they are still growing slow (and both still viable) then we'll do more tests to make sure nothing else is wrong. YIKES! My nurse coordinator, Nina, and my favorite nurse, Karen, say that the embryos look really good and that I should be feeling more relieved now. :)

We are telling our families shortly, as in this weekend and today. I'm going to go rest while Dan makes the shirts. Please keep praying. I'm still super scared! Thanks for all your continued support and prayers!

**Blog won't let me post the ultrasound picture from today! I'll try again later!

Monday, September 22, 2008


Wow, I am frustrated! We just got a whole bunch of bills in the mail. My initial fee of $3805 for the In-Vitro covered up until a positive pregnancy test. Since then, I've had about 16 blood draws and once a week ultrasounds. My bill came in the mail today. Because they are not a preferred provider with my military insurance, they are allowed to charge me 115% more than what my insurance accepts. And they do. So, my insurance covers about $3 of every blood draw. My bill for last week, $200. Super. This works out well. And I can't change until 8 weeks when released from Dr. Robins. I may speak with them and see if there's another way around it. ARG!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ultrasound and Heartbeat

Have I ever told you I'm not patient? I think I am losing my mind!

The appointment this morning was full of surprises and scariness (kind of my typical appointment right now). When he first focused on my uterus I could see two sacs. They are both still there. Unfortunately, only one has a heartbeat. This is still great news. However, he (Dr. Robins) says that it's still about 3 days too slow. I'm still skimming the bottom line on whether or not the pregnancy is viable. He said he wouldn't be surprised if there was no heartbeat next week. That is scary!

Who knows what we'll do now. I'm thinking we'll just tell our families, but not in a big announcement type way like planned, but instead a calmer matter-of-fact way. Not sure yet. I do need to find someone to give me an injection on Fri and Sat since Dan will be out of town. ARG!

Big Appointment

Tomorrow is my big appointment. I'm extremely nervous. It feels like this week has been the best week so far, but that makes me even more nervous!

We realized tonight that I think I'm allergic to the band-aids that we put on after injections. The injection site gets really itchy and swollen and is just miserable. I realized today that it feels a lot better once I pull the band-aid off. You'd think I'd make that connection sooner. We are trying a new band-aid tonight and so far, it appears to be much better. Gotta love those lightbulb moments!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Positive from Amber

First off, I know I've been negative Nellie, but my body has just not felt right. However, two nights ago my boobs started hurting. And I mean hurting! This makes me want to shout with joy. And today, I was making bread and I started feeling a little nauseous and gagging. This also made me really excited! HOORAY! My body is finally starting to feel pregnant. That, to me, feels like a good sign. Now if only I could start puking regularly!

The last two nights, Dan has given me the nightly progesterone shot. On Thursday, we were at home. I got up from the shot and Dan looked at me, "Oh crap, you're bleeding!" It was all the way down into the waist-line of my shorts, so those were nice and bloody! OOPS! This is what happens when you do injections in the same area for an extended amount of begin to run out of spots and start hitting bruises, and the bleeding after injections becomes more common. Last night, we were at a friends house for dinner and cards, and when Dan went to warm up the meds at 8:30, he realized he'd forgotten them at home. ARG! We had to pack up quickly and get home. Last night's injection was not only not warmed (so it HURT), but it also bled. ARG!

On a yucky note, my backside is so swollen and tender, I can't wear pants anymore. I wear some shorts that are lose, but those aren't real good for the public. :) I have 2 dresses, that a friend gave me, and those have been my lifeline. If totally necessary, I wear something uncomfortable out, and as soon as I step through the door, I get into pajamas (no matter the time of day). :) I can't wait to either know that this is a viable pregnancy and just wear maternity pants that wont' hurt my backside, or know it's not viable and get back in shape so I can wear my normal clothes from pre-IVF. :)

Waiting A Week

I'm pretty sure we've decided to wait until after next week's appointment to tell our families. When we tell our families, I want to be able to be fully invested and excited. At this point, I'm being told that there is still a good chance that the pregnancy is not viable, so I need to remain guarded.

Dan confided in me yesterday that he's pretty worried about me. We had a long talk and he felt better. I explained to him that this is my way of coping. I cannot get too excited about this. If that happens, and it's negative, I will fall deep into depression, and want to do another series immediately. That is not possible with Dan getting laid off and our current situation. As of this point, I am guardedly excited. If this doesn't work, I will be ok. I will obviously need to go through some sort of grieving, but I know that we have other things to focus on in our lives. And we can go through it again and do it at another time when the timing is better. If it's a positive appointment next week, I'll be fully in and there will be no stopping the emotions then! After this conversation, Dan felt better and kind of knew more of where I am coming from.

I don't think anyone can truly understand how difficult this is, unless you've been there. You can feel your body, you know exactly what is going on. This is difficult for either someone who has never gone through this, or the spouse going through it but not able to feel it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Doctor Call

My nurse called to remind me to take my meds the same as I've been doing. I took the opportunity to ask a question. I let her know that we hadn't told our families and was wondering if we could do so now. She answered that next week might be better and that it's better to remain guarded about this pregnancy thus far. Makes me nervous still! We're definitely not telling my family yet, and we'll decide about telling Dan's family shortly. Apparently nothing in our lives can go as planned, not even sure why I attempt planning anymore! :)


Well, by the grace of God, the little peanut is in there! She (and I say she because with this much hassle it must be a girl) is looking good, for the most part. The egg sac and yolk are all in good shape. It's a little small still, so there are still some concerns. I go back next Friday and I think they should be able to see the heartbeat, and they'll check my levels again to make sure it's growing in numbers properly. I just about broke down with Dr. Robins when leaving the exam room. He put his hand on my shoulder and reassured me that sometimes this is just the way with frozen embryos. Sometimes they are a little funky. He did say that sometimes they do just fine and sometimes they are just not quite right and won't make it, so it's still a wait and see. ARG! I hate waiting! For now, I'll just rest up and hope it helps. Not sure if we'll tell family now or wait until next week.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Roller Coaster Ride of a Lifetime

Seriously. I've never been this emotional in my whole life. My appointment this morning was so long and drawn out. Usually I get there at 6:30 AM to get my blood drawn and am out by 6:40 AM. Today, they didn't even start drawing blood until 7:20 AM. So I sat there forever in misery thinking about the outcome of this blood draw.

My favorite nurse Karen just called. My numbers are so close to doubling, but just not quite enough. This means that the journey continues for at least one more day. They said the frozen embryos sometimes are weird about getting started and doubling right away. ARG! I go in tomorrow to make sure that the embryo is implanted in the uterus. This has been a worry of mine. I guess I'll have another update tomorrow now!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Bloodwork Results

My bloodwork came back unfavorable today. My numbers increased but did not double. This is scary and bad. I go back in 4 days to see what the issue is. The nurse gave me two possibilities: 1) I was carrying twins and lost one, so that's why the number is down, or 2) it's not a viable pregnancy. Obviously we are hoping for option #1, but have to wait 4 days to see anything. This is rough.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Spotting Update

Ok, the spotting has ceased. I was even pretty active today and it seems to have stopped, so I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'll still have my blood drawn tomorrow morning just to make sure, but I'm happy it stopped. I know that many many women spot during their pregnancies. I'm not sure how all those women do it! I do feel like my stakes are a little bit higher because if this doesn't work, I'm just out $4,000 for this try and out another 4K for the next try. The majority of women just get to try the next month for free! :) That being said, it's still scary and unnerving! I think I'm just a worry-wart when I'm pregnant. I thought this time would be different, but in many respects it's not. I will say that I have been taking warm showers. When pregnant with the boys I took cool showers, not even warm, and it was miserable. But I am so anal about keeping my body temperature consistent. I'm happy that I'm able to move to warm showers this time! :)

Today Dan had his Guard Squadron Picnic. It's always a lot of fun and I love his friends and their wives too. We always have a good time talking and visiting! I really got to know the majority of them right before I got pregnant with the boys, so I've been able to watch their kids grow too. It was really weird to have them all saying congratulations and how do I feel. We really REALLY need to tell our families. It just doesn't feel real. I think I'm still a little in awe that it's actually true and I'm scared to be too excited.

Dan is freaking out that I still want it to be twins. I realized that a large portion of this thought is that I'm already always starving. Always. I have eaten more meat in the last 2 days than in the last 3 months (emergency stops to McD's for a Big Mac...unusual, and a stop at Burger King for 2 Whoppers....very unusual since I usually HATE BK). I think if it's twins, it would make me feel a little bit better about my crazy eating habits. :) Plus, I would have an excuse to move into maternity clothes sooner because even my size up clothes loaned to me from friends are getting tight (and the injection sites are extremely sore and swollen, so I can't really wear pants or shorts too easily without really being uncomfortable).

I'll update with my bloodwork results tomorrow. Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers, and kind words. You guys are a great support network!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Spotting and Blood Draw

I started spotting last night and continued it this morning. I had a scheduled blood draw, so I just awaited the bad news. Normally I get the call between 7:30-9:00 AM with my results. When the results didn't come I was sure that they were negative and my nurse was trying to figure out how to tell me. Finally I called and talked with her. My results were fine. My numbers doubled and everything is looking good. So, apparently for now I'm spotting. But, it could turn into something more and I could still lose them.

I will tell you that I've been an emotional wreck since last night and that has not stopped yet. Hormones? Yes. Freaked out? Yes. I never spotted when I was pregnant with the boys so this is totally freaking me out.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Negative Nellie

I didn't realize how positive I was that the results would be negative that I had convinced myself completely. Last night at dinner, I realized that it was 7:06 PM and my alarm reminding me to take my pills hadn't turned off. Looking at my phone, I remembered that just before my blood draw I was completely down and had turned off all alarms, so sure I'd not need them anymore. SAD!

I still have a lot of apprehension and just want to get to that first ultrasound next Friday to find out how many and where they are implanted. It's one of my favorite ultrasounds! :) I'll post an update with the results of my blood draw tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Results Are In

When my nurse called I could've told you with 80% confidence that the test would be negative.

She totally threw me for a loop when she told me it was....POSITIVE!!!!! WOW! I'm extremely shocked at this point. I go in on Friday to see if the HcG numbers have doubled (she said my number is 74 so she's confident that I'll get good results on Friday).

I'm heading in today to have her check my injection sites as they are bothersome right now. My backside is all lumpy and sensitive and itchy because the injection sites are so irritated.

We are well on our way to success, but we have about 6 weeks of scariness before we can loosen up a bit. I'm still a little worried that my body is fighting it. Please continue your are doing wonders!!! Thanks for all your support, it's been really helpful!